(your benefits/your contributions) = (your partner's benefits/your partner's contribution)
The main point to understand from this theory is that there must be a balance. When one person is receiving more benefits than he or she is contributing, then he or she is being over benefitted; whereas the other partner is receiving less benefits than he or she deserves, then he or she is being under benefitted.
Honestly, I feel like most of my relationships I am the one that is being under benefitted. I am more willing than the person that I am in a relationship with, whether it be romantic or friendly, to contribute more. I feel like I am providing more rewards than I should be because I rarely see the contributions being reciprocated. I have a few friendships where our equity is balanced; however, I have yet to have a romantic relationship where it is. Because I have not had any romantic relationships balanced, this led to the termination of the relationship because we would both agree that we were on different levels. However, I am extremely grateful for my friendships where there is a balance of benefits and contributions. I just believe that in order to show appreciation for someone then there should be actions that demonstrate that. Whether these actions are verbal or nonverbal, I believe that there should be equal contributions and benefits because feeling resentment toward someone is no fun. For example, this past weekend I went out with a good friend of mine and he took amazing care of me and introduced me to all of his friends, which are now friends to me. He and I are always there for each other and treat each other to meals and gifts just because we like to show each other that we care and appreciate for each other. I think it's just nice to show someone appreciation. You can tell them all you want, but it doesn't mean anything if it isn't backed up by a kind act. I am happier in this friendship than other ones where there is little contribution and benefits because I feel like this friendship is more stable. We have invested time and money into each other that we won't get back. In addition to equal benefits and contributions, we have not yet had a negative experience with one another, so I think that says something about how we treat each other as well. We're totally balanced. :)
Adams, J. S. (1965). Equity in social exchange theory. Advances in Experimental Social Psychology, 2, 267-299.
<3 i feel privileged to know you both :)
ReplyDeleteI don’t like the exchange theory; I like the communal relationships theory better. I’ve had romantic relationships this way and they’ve worked really well!
ReplyDeleteI've had both communal and exchange relationships, though I typically prefer communal relationships. My roommate is the kind of person that if she loans you money, she won't stop bugging you until you give it back. This annoys me, however, I deal with it and love her anyway :). In contrast, if I loan her a dollar, it doesn't matter whether I want it back or no, she'll give it back because it makes her feel better. Most of my friendships are more communal. We give to each other, but we never keep debts.
ReplyDeleteYea, finding someone that balances out with the equity theory is pretty rare. I've always had a hard time finding someone that mix well with my friends and my family. I'm glad that I have my friends here at least. With them we all have a communal relationship so its nice knowing that the people around have your back when needed.
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